6 Signs You're in Love With a Narcissist

Narcissism is a clinical term for what generally boils down to selfishness. Narcissistic people want their way, pay insufficient attention to what others want, and can be pretty tough to get along with. If you don't do what they want, they are likely to get angry.

That's the short explanation of narcissism, but there's more to it if it turns out this is a person you're dating. Here are six signs he's a narcissist, and six ways to deal with it.

1. He Doesn't Care About What You Have to Say

Narcissists tend to think that listening is like being a hockey goalie: They knock away what others say instead of letting the ideas of others enter a shared pool of information. If you say something that's a good idea, don't expect credit from a deeply entrenched narcissist. Instead, he's likely to say your idea later as if it was his own.

2. Everything is Always About Him
Narcissistic people are sometimes, and even often, generous. The difficulty comes when what they want is contrary to what you want. Then, it's all about them—their wants, their needs, and not yours.

3. He Makes Up His Own Rules
Narcissists suffer from what I call "Tall Man Syndrome." They feel that they are special and above others, so rules don't apply to them.

4. He's Not Interested in Your Issues
Narcissists think everything is about them, so if you try to say something about a feeling like sadness or anxiety that you've been experiencing, they are likely to hear it as a criticisms of themselves. If they don't take your feelings personally, they still are unlikely to respond with much sympathy or helpfulness. They are more likely to react with irritation than compassion because the focus is supposed to be on them, not on others.

5. When You Argue, It's Your Fault
Unwillingness to take responsibility for mistakes goes hand in hand with quickness to blame. Stay clear of blamers, or ignore them. Otherwise, they can be very demoralizing. Also, be realistic about their capacity for change. They are often unlikely to make bad habits better because they don't learn from their mistakes.

6. When He's Angry, It's Also Your Fault
Again, blaming others is a narcissistic means of sustaining self-worth. But beware of getting mad back at a narcissist; they'll respond with fury. They can get mad at you (because it's your fault if they are mad), but all hell is likely to break loose if you dare to show even slight irritation toward them.

RELATED: 10 WAYS TO SPOT A NARCISSIST ON A FIRST DATE

If any of these behaviors sound familiar, here are six ways you can stand up for yourself and figure out your relationship.

1. Pay Attention to Your Own Behavior
Narcissism is basically habit-patterns, and habits can be changed. Awareness of your own narcissistic tendencies can empower you to notice and fix slippages.

2. Stay Cool
You may benefit from changes in the habitual ways you react to that person. For instance, if your favorite narcissist is prone to anger, get out of the way. Gracefully exit the situation for a few minutes to let him cool down. Just say, "I need to get a drink of water. Be back in a minute."

3. Don't Take it Personally
Remember, verbal stones people hurl when they are mad generally don't represent what they feel in normal emotional times. In fact, check out if the criticisms of you are actually quite good descriptions of the person from whose mouth the criticisms have come. For example, check if they are what psychologists call projections. (Do take seriously, though, the threats of abusive people.)

4. Repeat Yourself
Having trouble getting your view heard? Say it again. Or ask, "So what made sense to you in what I said?"

5. Become a Master of the Win-Win
If you take a leadership role in being sure your concerns as well as his become important, you'll be less likely to cave into his way just to keep him calm.

6. Remain Calm
Everyone listens better when they are in a good mood. Anger escalations increase the odds that both of you will end up in a zero-listening narcissism trap.

The bottom line? If you can see it and name it, the odds zoom upwards that you will be able to figure out how to deal with narcissism effectively. That's important, because many of the most lovable and admirable guys in this world tend toward narcissistic habits. No need to give up on them, just get savvy.